Max II Makes Bad Company
by Dani-of-Insomnia
Summary: I got bored, and everyone has captured the main characters. Therefore, I kidnapped Max II! Apparently she doesn't like captivity much surprise, surprise .
1. Hello and Welcome!

I have kidnapped Max II. Has anyone else kidnapped Max II? Cause if you have, I didn't know, and don't care.

Max II: She cares, she just wants to sound badass.

Me: No, I really don't care.

Max II: You don't care about as much as you don't care about food.

Me: No, I really couldn't care less. And did you just call me fat?

Max II: Disclaimer.

Me: Don't change the subject.

Max II: If you get sued, I'm bribing your lawyer to screw you over.

Me: Bribe him with what? You don't own shit.

Max II: Just do the disclaimer.

Me: You haven't answered any of my questions!

Max II: And?

Me: Answer my questions, or I'll lock you in a room with the original Max. She can kick your ass, too.

Max II: Max is also kidnapped.

Me: Damn. . . I'll find something else to threaten you with. . . .

Max II: Just do the disclaimer.

Me: I do not own Maximum Ride. However, the question of my owning Max II is still being debated. . . .

Max II: She doesn't own me, either. No matter what she may think.

Me: On with the story!

Max II: If you can call it a story.

* * *

Max II: Kidnapping is illegal, you know.

Me: Yeah, but as far as anyone knows, you don't exist.

Max II: I do too exist!

Me: Hence the 'as far as anyone knows'. Your not a very good listener, are you?

Max II: It's not my fault, you bore me.

Me: Your tied to a chair, you don't get to insult me.

Max II: And what if I do insult you?

Me: I'll just keep you here longer. Lets face it, you have no one to come rescue you.

Max II: I have plenty of people to come rescue me!

Me: Like who?

Max II: They would rather remain anonymous.

Me: Liar.

Max II: I will get out of here.

Me: When pigs fly do you think they'll flap their little ears or just spin their tails like a propeller?

Max II: Maybe they'll get kidnapped by megalomaniac scientists and kept in a cage where they will be experimented on mercilessly and given bird-DNA which gives them wings.

Me: . . .

Max II: And then there was silence. Finally. There hasn't been silence since she kidnapped me. . .

_I walk into the 7-11 for a soda. As I'm opening the door to the fridge of sodas gallore, I'm suddenly pushed in and the door shuts behind me. Well, the door trys to shut behind me. There is absolutely no space whatsoever in between the door and the soda rack, therefore I kinda just have my face smooched into a bottle of Pepsi. Someone is behind me pushing up against the door. She's going on and on about something, saying sorry and other stuff I wasn't listening to. She fumbled with my hands and finally managed to tie them together. She takes me out and drags me to her house without anyone noticing somehow._

Max II: Do you know how long it took her to figure out how to tie my hands together? I got freezerburn on my cheek.

Me: *pops the cap of the pepsi and takes a nice, long, refreshing drink* Ahhhhhhhhhhhh.

Max II: Your the devil reincarnated. No worse, your like the devil's mother-in-law reincarnated.

Me: Do you want some?

Max II: Yes!

Me: What's the magic word?

Max II: *mutters something*

Me: What was that?

Max II: . . .

Me: Come on, you can do it!

Max II: It's not worth it.

Me: Suite yourself. *takes another drink*

Max II: Please!

Me: Nope.

Max II: 'Nope'? What do you mean 'nope'?

Me: That's not the magic word.

Max II: That's always the magic word.

Me: It's not _my_ magic word.

Max II: Just give me the damn soda!

Me: You want something to drink?

Max II: YES!

Me: Fine, I'll get you something. *goes in the kitchen*

Max II: Finally!

Me: *comes back* Here you go!

Max II: MILK? Are you fnicking with me?

Me: Why would I fnick with you? Do you think I would enjoy fnicking with you? Is the idea of my fnicking with you something you think about on a regular basis?

Max II: I'm getting the vibe that you mean that in a perverted way.

Me: No, I would not like to fnick with you, but the offer flatters me.

Max II: I didn't offer for you to fnick with me.

Me: You said it with your eyes, Max 2.0. You said it with your eyes.

Max II: Now your ripping off a commercial about mens hair.

Me: How would you know? When was the last time you watched tv?

Max II: In the waiting room of the proctologist.

Me: Wait, WHAT!!!!!!!!!?????? You went to the PROCTOLOGIST!?!?!?!?!?!

Max II: No, it was to support a friend.

Me: Did he find your head?

Max II: What's that supposed to mean?

Me:Why the hell were you AT the proctologist?!

Max II: I told you, it was supporting a friend!

Me: I'll believe that when the flying pigs escape from the school.

Max II: They already have, didn't you see that special on CNN?

Me: You mean that one on raw pork and salmonella?

Max II: Um. . . no.

Me: Then no.

Max II: . . .

Me: . . .

Max II: Why'd you kidnap me?

Me: 'Cause as far as I know, all the good characters were taken.

Max II: And I'm not a good character?! And who are all the good characters?

Me: Fang, Max, Iggy (a couple times), Nudge, etc.

Max II: But _I'm _a good character.

Me: Actually, your a pretty minor one. Scratch that, your a pretty _random_ one. You never know when your gonna just pop into the story-line.

Max II: *WTF face* I don't wanna talk to you anymore.

Me: Awwwwwww, did I hurt your feeling?

Max II: *glares*

Me: Okay, I apologize. I'm sure you mean a lot more to the story than JP lets on.

Max II: *glares*

Me: Your still not talking, are you?

Max II: *glares*

Me: And there you have it! She's one of those 'I'm not gonna talk to you until you say what I wanna hear' people.

Max II: *glares*

Me: I'm just gonna cut it off here, apparently there's not going to be anymore talking today. . . . Bye!

Max II: Don't come back.

Me: Hey, your talking!

Max II: *glares*

* * *

Me: And there you have it! I have to say, I'm a little disappointed, though. She still won't tell me why she went to the proctologist. . . Or if she called me fat. . . Or what she would bribe my lawyer with. . .

Max II: I told you, I was supporting a friend!

Me: What friend?

Max II: Don't review!

Me: *trying to duct-tape her mouth* Stop changing the subject! And don't listen to her! REVIEW!!!!!!

Max II: mphhhhh!

Me: Bye!

Max II: MMMMPPPPHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! MMPH-MMMMMMPPHHHHHH-MPH!!!!!!!!


	2. Max II is a Pedophile and Senor Fluffers

And we're back! Thanks for the reviews! (Beth-you are so nice. I see your name on the review thing and I'm like "She totally just made my day!") BTW, on the way home my bus driver was _blaring_ 80's music, which I have nothing against, but now all I can hear is "My lips are sealed" and "Don't stop believin".

Max II: And all I can hear is her singing "I don't give a damn about my bad reputation!"

Me: That song is awesome.

Max II: Leave the singing to the professionals, and it might stay awesome.

Me: "You're wack, you're twisted, your girl's a hoe. You're broke, the kid ain't yours, and everybody know. Your old man says your stupid, you be like, 'So? I love my baby mother, I never let her go!' Ya'll gon make me lose my mind, up in here, up in here. Ya'll gon make me go all out, up in here, up in here. Ya'll gon make me act a fool, up in here, up in here. Ya'll gon make me lose my cool, up in here, up in here."

Max II: And if there is a god, she will stop trying to rap Run DMX lyrics.

Me: Funky Cold Medina is epic.

Max II: Good news: She doesn't know all the lyrics to it!

Me: Yet.

Max II: That one word is why I scream at the top of my lungs when she's about to go on Youtube.

Me: Youtube and Google are going to take over the world. . . I can see it happening.

Max II: I could've at least gotten kidnapped by a serial killer or just a down-right lunatic. Maybe even a nice cannobalistic giant. But no. I get kidnapped by a crazy teenage girl who thinks Google is taking over the world. Just my luck.

Me: Anyways, we had a very eventful weekend!

Max II: Please don't tell them.

Me: I -well, we- babysitted my little cousins!

Max II: And of course you tell them.

Me: But it's funny!

Max II: No it's not.

Me: Well, maybe not for you. To everyone else it was hilarious.

Max II: The cops didn't find it very funny. Or the kids mother.

Me: So, long story short, Max II is officially a pedophile.

Max II: I almost got busted by the po-po.

Me: Okay, since I don't want you guys thinking she raped a little kid and I'm harboring a real pedophile in my house, she didn't technically violate anyone's um. . . personal space.

Max II: I lost her cousins.

Me: At a public playground.

Max II: They just disappeared!

Me: You see, she lost my cousins when I went to the bathroom and she got distracted by a bird.

Max II: And when the bird flew away, they weren't playing in the snow anymore!

Me: Yeah, that's a 5 and 7 year old for ya'.

Max II: And then that damn kid wouldn't tell me squat about whether he had seen them or not.

Me: Max II- "Hey, little boy there. On the swing. Yeah, you. Have you seen two little kids about yay high, boy and girl, brown hair?" Okay, first thing she does wrong. I could look around and point out about 5 kids, both boys and girls, yay high with brown hair. Then, when he just looks at her like she's lost her mind . . . "Do you know how to talk? They're friends of mine, and I'd like to find them so we can play. Here, I think I've got a couple pieces of gum in my pocket if you help me find them. They have sugar!" Second, third, and fourth thing she does wrong. She insults the kid, tells him they are friends and wants to "play with them", then offers him candy.

Max II: He ran away screaming, "RAPIST!!!!" Ungrateful little brat. I'd of found them kids and got some damn gum.

Me: His mom called the cops on her.

Max II: Do you know what it's like to see the flashing lights in the distance and know they're coming for you? No, I guess you don't. Why would a person with a criminal record read this shit?

Me: She booked and I stayed behind to find Jenna and Ronnie (my cousins). They were looking at another kids collection of weird, random things. We came home and the police report was already on the tv. And you know what? Her police sketch looked like Janet Jackson!

Max II: I made a sandcastle!

Me: Actually, it was more like a snowcastle. And you really love to change the subject, don't you?

Max II: It was still cool looking!

Me: It looked like two sibling trailers mated and had a mutated trailer child.

Max II: What's wrong with being mutated!?

Me: Um. . . . Oh, shit.

Max II: 'Oh, shit?' OH, SHIT? That's all you have to say when you completely insulted all mutants!?

Me: Sorry? It was completely unintentional!

Max II: I should call up all the mutants I know and sick them on your ass!

Me: You don't know any mutants.

Max II: Well I'll get Senor Fluffers!

Me: Senor Fluffers? How do you know about Senor Fluffers? I haven't told you about Senor Fluffers!

Max II: He snuck out when you fell asleep. He's my only accomplice in escape.

Me: Unfortunately, he's a transporting pen who only speaks in random single sentences that make no sense whatsoever. The only person-um, pen- who can understand him is his cousin Brite who is in the custody of UnderlanderfromtheOverland.

Senor Fluffers: If your pee is green you need an elephant!

Me: Yeah, some accomplice.

Max II: We're working on the communication skills.

Me: And how's that working out?

Senor Fluffers: Tell Brite we have a bigger vacuum than the stop sign!

Max II: Um. . . not so well.

Me: I can see that.

Max II: You know how they say you can get high off sniffing Sharpies?

Me: Yeah. . .

Max II: You don't keep him near Sharpies, do you?

Me: What are you getting at?

Max II: I bet he's high as a kite.

Me: Can pens get high?

Max II: If there were one pen in the entire world that could get high, it'd be him. Wait, it _is_ him.

Me: Alright, bye everyone!

Max II: That's such a random bye.

Me: Bye! Come back!

Max II: Bye! If you don't come back she'll let me go!

Me: Review!

Max II: No! Don't!

Me: Tell them to review or I'll pay Senor Fluffers to follow you around constantly!

Max II: Pay him with what?

Me: Pot.

Max II: REVIEW!!!!!!!!

Me: Much better. You heard her! REVIEW!!!!!!!! Wait, where the hell did Senor Fluffers go?

Max II: *sighs* I'll go check the cupboards. . .

* * *

Max II: We updated this chapter, then realized that she had spelled Senor wrong. Multiple times. How do you spell Senor wrong?

Me: I don't know. It'd be okay if it was just once, but it was like 5 times. I'm such a ditz.

Max II: Well it's nice that you can accept that.

Me: Anyways. . . We just thought we would inform you that we fixed the pathetic typo.

Max II: I'd like to put emphasis on pathetic.

Me: Oh, shut up. No one cares what you put emphasis on.

Max II: I bet they do.

Me: I bet they don't.

Max II: Yes they do!

Me: No they don't!

Max II: Do!

Me: Don't!

Max II:Do!

Me: Don't!

Max II: Do!

Me: Don't!

Max II: THEY DO DAMN IT!!!

Me: Wow, your face is the color of Clifford the Big Red Dog!

Max II: *steaming with anger*

Me: HAHA! And while she's cooling off (literally) we're gonna say goodbye and good-day. Review!


	3. Randal Starts His Infatuation

Hey! I'm back!

Max II: Unfortunately.

Me: She's just mad because I beat her in an eating contest.

Max II: How did you beat me? How is it even possible?

Me: I ate 2 lbs of snow crab legs, shrimp scampi, a baked potato, mashed potatos, two salads, three glasses of root beer, two glasses of coffee (decaf), and a big desert of cookies, brownies, and ice cream.

Max II: BOOOOOOOO!!!!!

Me: And I was still hungry!

Max II: How did you do it? Your metabolism must be as high as Senor Fluffers.

Me: I'm going to pretend that made sense. Speaking of Senor Fluffers, I realized when I went back and re-read the last chapter, that I had spelled 'senor' wrong. Multiple times. I was spelling it like 'signor'. It was a really, really, really stupid mistake.

Max II: And pathetic. Don't you have an A+ in English?

Me: I'm going to have to ask you to shut up now.

Max II: And you say my attempts are in vain.

Me: Well, yours are in vain. I can simply duct-tape your mouth if you really don't shut up. You can't even leave the room unless I want you to.

Max II: I will get out.

Me: You will do no such thing. You shall sit here and wallow in self-pity until I tell you otherwise.

Max II: *pouts*

Me: *takes another swig of Pepsi*

Max II: Would you stop drinking Pepsi in front of me! *smacks Pepsi out of my hand and spills it all over herself*

Me: HAHA!!!! Karma, bitch!

Max II: Uh! Get me a paper towel or something!

Me: Nah, I'm enjoying this.

Max II: I'm taking a shower!

Me: Bye.

Max II: *leaves*

Me: *flushes a toilet* Wait for it. . .

Max II: AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

Me: Haha. *doorbell rings so I open the door*

Me: Hey, Randal!

Randal: Hey, you know how I hate being home alone and my parents went to dinner. So I thought I'd come over.

Me: Come on in! Want something to eat?

Randal: *plops on the couch* Nah, I'm good. I think-

Max II: WHERE'S MY TOWEL!?!?!?!?!?!?

Me: ON THE RACK!!!

Randal: Who was that?

Me: Max II. She gets as cranky as a menopausal bipolar. You'll learn to get along with her. Eventually.

Randal: Max II? As in, Maximum Ride version 2.0?

Me: Yep.

Randal: So she's as bitchy as she is in the books?

Me: Yep.

Max II: DAMN YOU!!!!!!!

Me: What is it this time?

Max II: *runs down the stairs* Get me a fucking towel!!!

Me: Oh my SHIT!!!! What the hell, Max II!!!! Your towel has, like, a hundred holes in it!!!!!!!! Jeez, cover yourself up!!!!

Randal: *eyes bugging out of head and practically drooling*

Max II: What did you do with my towel!?!?!?!?!

Me: I didn't do anything!!! Would you put your hand over yourself or something?! Have some modesty!!!

Max II: Get me something to cover myself up with!!!!!

Me: *pulls blanket off of couch throws to Max II*

Randal: Um. . . Uh. . . Hm. . . Uh. . . Well, that's. . . Wow.

Max II: Would you quite staring at me?!

Me: Randal, go use the bathroom or something, if you know what I mean. But God forbid stop staring at her before she has a coronary!

Max II: I'm going upstairs to put some clothes on.

Me: You do that. You can keep the blanket, too. Either that or bleach it before giving it back.

Randal: Who'd of thought Maximum Ride was so _hot_?

Me: Your only saying that because those were the only boobs you've seen outside of a Playboy. Keep it in your pants until you get home.

Randal: So, does she have a man?

Me: Who'd go out with her?

Randal: I can think of someone.

Me: You only like her because you saw her half naked.

Randal: That's not the only reason! I'm sure she has an. . . amazing. . .personality. . . . Your right, I only like her because I saw her half naked.

Me: Typical.

Randal: . . . Did you just say 'Oh my shit'?

Me: Maybe.

* * *

Max II: And that is why Randal is now obsessed with me. He never leaves me alone.

Me: Awwwwww, I think it's cute.

Max II: It's not cute. It's not cute at all.

Me: _He_'s cute (hint, hint).

Max II: I think I just threw up a little in my mouth.

Me: Anyways, REVIEW!!!

Max II: Yeah, REVIEW!!!! The less reviews she gets the more she invites Randal over!!!


	4. News

Hey, I'm back. So, I was thinking-

Max II: This should be good.

Me: You have absolutely no respect for me. Anyways, as I was saying-

Max II: And I so rudely interrupted.

Me: Exactly. Back to the point-

Max II: Did you buy whipped cream at the grocery store?

Me: Um, no. I was going to say-

Max II: Why didn't you buy whipped cream?

Me: I forgot. Now, what I want to say is-

Max II: How could you forget whipped cream? No desert is complete without whipped cream.

Me: Would you shut up! Anyways-

Max II: How can I shut up when you forgot the whipped cream?!

Me: You know what, forget it.

Max II: You mean like you forgot the whipped cream?

Me: I could call Randal and borrow some whipped cream from him. I'm sure he'd love to know what exactly you would be using the whipped cream for. And I would give him a nice and detailed explanation-

Max II: About how I'm putting it on my ice cream?

Me: I'm sure he can find something perverted in that.

Max II: Fine. I don't need any whipped cream.

Me: Thought so.

Max II: Now, what were you trying to say.

Me: I forgot.

Max II: You'd forget your ass if it wasn't attached to your body. And you'd forget your head if it wasn't up your ass.

Me: I'm going to ignore that little comment and contradict you with the fact that I REMEMBER WHAT I WAS GOING TO SAY.

Max II: Well then, what is it?

Me: I might discontinue this story.

Max II: SHOCK!!!!

Me: Yeah, nobody seems to read it. I don't see a point to keep writing.

Max II: Does that mean you'll let me go?!

Me: Hell no. You are staying right here.

Max II: But, but, but-

Me: Yeah, sucks to be you. I'm gonna do a couple chapters more, but if I still have the feeling that nobody's reading it, I'm just gonna stop writing. I'll do a closing chapter, of course.

Max II: And you still won't let me go? What's the point of keeping me here?

Me: I don't know. I enjoy getting on your nerves.

Max II: But that's so wrong.

Me: It is, isn't it?

Max II: You could so be an evil villian.

Me: I just have to buy a hairless cat, grow a habit of sticking my pinky up to my mouth, and find a midget that looks exactly like me.

Max II: Seriously? Dr. Evil is who you think of when I say 'evil villian'?

Me: Well of course. And I also have to have an illegitimate child that I don't care for and - I just pictured Fang as Dr. Evil when I said that.

Max II: Thank you, St. Fang of Boredom, for tainting the thought of illegitimate children with Fang and Justin. Really, I'm sure the FANGirls were ready for that.

Me: But that's really the only purpose of this chapter. I thought ya'll would like to know I might be stopping with this story. Okay, that's about it.

Max II: But she might not! I actually kind of hope she doesn't, because if she does discontinue this story, there's really no reason for me be here. . . .

Me: I'll find a reason. There's really nothing left for me to say, soooo. . . See ya.

Max II: Bu-bye.


	5. Iggy and Max II Sitting In A Tree!

So, new chapter!

Max II: Yay.

Me: Fail. Your supposed to say it like YAAAAAAY!

Max II: Yaaaaaay.

Me: Your enthusiam is mind-blowing.

Max II: Your sarcasm is slightly offending.

Me: Touche.

Max II: What does that mean?

Me: What does what mean?

Max II: Touche. It's such a stupid word but people use it all the time.

Me: I don't know. It's French or something for 'good comeback' I guess.

Max II: Well, it's stupid.

Me: It doesn't count when you say it because you think everthing's stupid.

Max II: I don't think everything's stupid.

Me: Well, according to you, the assignment I did for Lit. class, stupid. My cooking, stupid. My brother and sister, stupid. That total-win sign at the end of my street that says "I see dead kids on my lawn", stupid. _Maximum Ride and her flock_, stupid.

Max II: I never said that sign was stupid. I think that sign is awesome. And Max is stupid.

Me: No, she isn't. I suppose you think Fang isn't hot, too?

Max II: I've seen him in real life. Yeah, not that much to say. OW! You just slapped me!

Me: And you deserved it! How dare you say Fang isn't hot!

Max II: This is ridiculous. I'm one of the only people to have actually seen him in real life, and most of you just imagine him based on a couple descriptive lines written by a middle-aged man.

Me: And your point?

Max II: People are pathetic.

Me: Be honest, when you first saw him you didn't immediately think, 'Hot damn, I'd like a piece of that'?

Max II: No.

Me: Really? That's what I would think.

Max II: Well your mental.

Me: I'm eccentric. There's a difference.

Max II: No. There is a fine line between eccentric and mental. Your an overly-eccentric mental person.

Me: We're going to drop this topic now.

Max II: If you say so. But really, is Fang really that hot?

Me: Yes. And so is Iggy. But you wouldn't know that because you're a lesbian.

Max II: What?! I am not a lesbian!

Me: Well that is the only way to explain how you are not attracted to Fang or Iggy.

Max II: We didn't say anything about Iggy!

Me: Wait, so do you think Iggy is hot?

Max II: Well, I mean, he's okay. . . I guess.

Me: Your blushing! You think Iggy's hot! So your not a homosexual!

Max II: Shut up.

Me: Oooooh, do you have a crush on him?

Max II: *mutters something*

Me: What was that? Did I hear you profess your love for a certain blind mutant?

Max II: No, I told you to burn in Hell.

Me: You only want me to burn in Hell so you can be alone with Iggy.

Max II: Okay, we're gonna stop with this topic now.

Me: Hell we are! I love this topic!

Max II: Can I go to the bathroom?

Me: When we're on the topic of Iggy? Who knows what you'll be doing in there!

Max II: Your discusting. I'm gonna go piss.

Me: No, your not! Get back here. I need to know, was it love at first sight or were his bomb skills the first thing to turn you on?

Max II: Would you quit it!

Me: Nope. Now answer the question.

Max II: Screw you.

Me: Are you aware that there is a hint of an Iggy-Ella relationship in book 3? Oh, now your mad.

Max II: I HAVE TO PEE!

Me: You have to lock yourself in the bathroom and stare at your picture of Iggy that you sketched because you never wanted to forget his face.

Max II: Let me go piss.

Me: Maybe you'll passionately make-out with your picture and tell the inatimate object how much you love it like Max loves her emo-angel.

Max II: I will squat right here and pee on your floor like the 2% animal I am. Don't think I won't.

Me: Did you get his eyes just the right color, with the perfect amount of haziness? Is he laughing, frowning, talking, or smiling in the picture?

Max II: Do you have any tissues in here? I could substitute them for toilet paper.

Me: Does Randal know you love another man?!?!?!?!?!?! He'll be heartbroken!!!!!

Max II: I could pee on your couch. Little more cushion than the floor and toilet.

Me: Are you going to break it to him, or do you want me to? I'm his best friend after all. Maybe he'd better hear it from me.

Max II: Maybe I should pee on Randal's couch.

Me: Your going to pee on his couch after breaking his heart! How could you!?

Max II: I seriously need to use the bathroom. I wasn't kidding.

Me: Okay, I'll unlock the ball and chain from your ankle, but I'll be waiting outside the door and you better not try to run.

Max II: Whatever.

* * *

Max II: That was short.

Me: And informative! Max II and Iggy, flying through the trees, K-I-S-S-I-N-G!!!!!!!

Max II: I hate you so much. And excuse her pervertedness.

Me: I have an unusually dirty mind. It's a curse.

Max II: Yes, she really does.

Me: Bye! REVIEW!!!!!!!


	6. Exclamation Points Are The Devil

Thanks for the reviews. And we're back. I actually wrote that last chapter Wednesday, and I wrote this last night. So this is technically happening on Saturday.

Max II: If you can't tell from the lack of exclamation points, she's the one who's not enthusiastic this time.

Me: I shall wipe all exclamation points from the face of the earth.

Max II: Yes, exclamation points are evil.

Me: We shall just use the caps lock button if we want to sound enthusiastic or happy or loud. Exclamation points are works of the devil.

Max II: Her reason for having a sudden desire to rid the earth of exclamation points is thanks to Coach Gaul.

Me: THAT EVIL WOMAN AND HER APPARENT HATRED OF ODD NUMBERS. See, I didn't use an exclamation point.

Max II: Good for you. Coach Gaul is our coach for soccer and she's actually really cool and knows what she's doing. In fact, Dani's older sister Brittany went to school with Coach Gaul and they played travel ball for softball together and were really good friends. So, Coach Gaul is young, about 20-21, and is really athletic. And she's crazy about running.

Me: _Too_ crazy about running if you ask me.

Max II: Well nobody asked you. She likes to make us run. A lot. Yesterday was our first practice after try-outs and she made us run 3 laps around the field (not bad), the mile on the track (we got 8:25, awesome), then after some foot-work we did sprints, then Liverpool, and after that the Indian run.

Me: For those of you who don't know what Liverpool is, it's were you put the goals in the corners instead of in the middle, and then you sprint from goal post to goal post diagonally down the field, then jog back. That's L. Sprint goal post to goal post and jog back. That's I. Sprint goal post to goal post then jog back. That's V.

Max II: Yeah, I think they get the point. The Indian run is where you run around the playground, soccer field, baseball field, softball field, and field hocky field. It's pure torture.

Me: Then before we do Liverpool Coach Gaul, who was in a grouchy mood (you don't want her in a grouchy mood) because she had just come substituting my brothers class (oh Seamus, why?), said, "You know what? I've decided I don't like odd numbers. We're gonna add a exclamation point to the end of it."

Max II: People are stupid. It's like a torturous game in SAW. You'd run, Coach Gaul'd ask you what letter you were on. Some people lost count and Coach Gaul would ask what letter you were on, and they'd say E when you were on R. And Coach Gaul would say, "Okay, your on E." When you already did E. It pissed me off.

Me: And some people walked. And slacked. While the rest of us, the people who were actually running like we were supposed to, yelled at them to hussle.

Max II: So she added another exclamation point on. But then it was odd numbers again. So she added another exclamation point. By that time I wanted to punch her.

Me: And this is the part where we get stupid.

Max II: No, this is the part where you get stupid.

Me: Okay, this is the part where I get stupid. Our legs were already killing us to the point where it hurt to sit down in the car when my mom picked us up, but then Randal texts me and asks if we were going roller skating that night. I say no, he says please go, I say no, he says he'll be bored if I don't, I say no, he says I owe him for something that happened two years ago that I'm not gonna get into, I say fine.

Max II: I bitch slapped her at this time.

Me: So we go roller skating for 4 hours. Have you ever been roller skating for the first time in 7 years? Your legs feel like iron weights.

Max II: And now we're stuck here, at home, not even getting up because it hurts to walk.

Me: I'm on my laptop while Max II is fantasizing about Iggy.

Max II: I AM NOT!

Me: BITCH. YOU JUST USED AN EXCLAMATION POINT. HOW DARE YOU.

Max II: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OWWWW. STOP SLAPPING ME.

Me: STOP USING EXCLAMATION POINTS.

Max II: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Me: I WILL DO CRUEL THINGS TO YOU.

Max II: TRY ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Me: *takes out cardboard box that my sister's fouton came in* GET IN THE BOX.

Max II: Your going to put me in a cardboard box? Are you serious?

Me: *pounces on Max II*

Max II: AHHHH!!!!! Get off me! NOOOOOOOO!!!!! Give that back!

Me: Oh look, it's your picture of Iggy. NOW GET IN THE BOX BEFORE I RIP IT TO PIECES.

Max II: *mumbles while climbing in the box that is 5 times too small for her*

Me: *sits on top of box so Max II can't get out*

Max II: You know, no one else is gonna stop using exclamation points!

Me: Well, I'll put a poll up. Then we'll see.

Max II: Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr. Can you at least get me something to eat?

Me: No.

Max II: Why not? It's not like I can get out.

Me: Well, I'm sitting on the box. That might be the reason your escape is hindered.

Max II: You heffer!!!!!!!

Me: And on that note, I shall end this chapter.

Max II: LET ME OUT OF HERE!

Me: Bye and review.

* * *

Max II: And that is why I have grown a phobia of cardboard boxes.

Me: Remember to check out the poll on my profile. It actually worked out pretty well that Max II used so many exclamation points, because now my exclamation point or one key is stuck.

Max II: Yes, that was my intention. And if you review, she'll let me out of the box. So REVIEW.

Me: Maybe I'll let her out of the box. Maybe. Right now I really don't want to move from on top of the box because my legs are hurting from the tackling you.

Max II: Yeah, well, my legs are hurting from you tackling me and then from being in a teensy weensy box.

Me: Haha.

Max II: Can you at least give me my picture of Iggy?

Me: You won't be able to see it anyway.

Max II: Whatever. Bye and REVIEW.

Me: Yes. Review. Reviews are appreciated greatly.


	7. Field Trip and Secrets and Sexting

Thanks for the reviews!

-emotionalpoemgirl

-InkDrinker

-Nighthawk21

-MangaFang

-Bethflower

Max II: Yeah, thanks. They got me out of the cardboard box. It's nice to be out and about again. Well, not 'out and about' exactly. . . *glares at the ball and chain on her ankle*

Me: I let you out of the house yesterday.

Max II: Oh, and that worked out _so_ well.

Me: It turned out well for a lot of people.

Max II: A lot of people except _me_.

Me: Yeah, you don't count.

Max II: I do too count!!!!

Me: What have I said about exclamation points?

Max II: They are worse than the devil's mother-in-law. Wait, how can the devil have a mother-in-law?

Me: Let's just say an angel brought a whole new meaning to "good girl gone bad". God was pissed.

Max II: Um. . . okay. . .

Me: And back to the fun we had outside. It was like a field trip for her.

Max II: A twisted, not fun, disastorous field trip.

Me: Yep. Remember how Max II was put on the news for being a rapist? And how her police sketch looked like Janet Jackson? Well, apparently Janet Jackson looks a lot like her, because a _lot_ of people recognized her.

Max II: So many cries in horror, so many times did I hear, "TOMMY, GET AWAY FROM HER!". All while police sirens are wailing in the background. . .

Me: I let her go with me to the grocery store. It was amusing. The minute we walking in three women just stopped what they were doing immediately. It was like something out of Desperate House Wives. Then we start walking through the store, and all of a sudden you hear, "It's the Playground Pedophile!"

Max II: They gave me a name. Like the Zodiac Killer or Hannibal Lector. I felt kinda special.

Me: Oh yeah, you were special alright. People were grabbing their kids and yelling, "WHERE?" It was hilarious.

Max II: I ditched.

Me: Of course. I stayed to get my food (Little Debbie sale, mmmmm) and she went through the fire exit while people looked around for a crack head in hobo clothes. They were really looking for a teenage girl in jeans and a sweater. Snooze ya loose.

Max II: You know, there are really pedophiles out there. You shouldn't be joking about it.

Me: I know, and it's sad. But for now I'm just gonna watch WBOC (Delmarva's #1 Broadcasting Station, apparently) and laugh at the police looking for you. While eating a zebra cake. That I got on sale. Total win.

Max II: Well what am I supposed to do?

Me: Randal's into sexting. You can use my phone.

Max II: Can I go to the bathroom?

Me: Duh, I'm not gonna let you read dirty texts about God only know what and get off on it in front of me. Maybe you can use your picture of Iggy, it might help with the fantasy.

Max II: That's discusting! I'm so not gonna sext Randal, I don't even wanna look at Randal.

Me: That's the beauty of sexting, you don't have to look at them. You can picture anybody you want on the other end of the line, including Iggy.

Max II: I'm going to rephrase my request. Can I go puke?

Me: Kinky.

Max II: IT'S NOT KINKY!!!!! I WANT TO PUKE OUT OF DISCUST OF THE THOUGHT- you know what, forget it.

Me: Your discusted by the thought of Randal? Then why are you sexting him?

Max II: I'M NOT SEXTING HIM!!!!!

Me: Hey, cool it with the exclamation points.

Max II: I hate you.

Me: I love you, too. Now come sit down and watch yourself be a wanted felon.

Max II: Dani has a very slight accent. She says 'girl' like 'guhl' and world like 'wuld'. It's funny.

Me: And why are you telling them this?

Max II: I didn't know if you wanted them to know that, and I hate you. I figured if you didn't want them to know, then it would make you mad. It amuses me to see you mad.

Me: Okay. . . .

Max II: And she hides bobbypins behind her ear. Right behind it, on those little strands, where nobody notices them. She keeps, what? Four? It's like a friggin' magic trick. One time, this random person asked if anybody had a bobbypin, and Dani just whips one out from behind her ear like she's friggin' Houdini. The girl said, "Woah, can you do that with a quarter?" It was ridiculous.

Me: I still don't understand why you are saying these things, I have just as much dirt on you as you have on me.

Max II: No, you don't. You've only kept me captive for. . . maybe a month?

Me: Max II has dreams about Iggy in a speedo.

Max II: I do not!!

Me: You talk in your sleep. I know things.

Max II: She's had a crush on Randal since she was five, that only resently she got over.

Me: Lies.

Max II: I eavesdrop. I know things.

Me: When she was first created, she had a third nipple. They had to have it removed.

Max II: Dani isn't her real name!

Me: No, it isn't.

Max II: She really does have a sister named Brittany and a brother named Seamus (officially the coolest name ever, in my opinion), but Dani is actually the name of her best friend.

Me: _Former_ best friend. She died a year ago. It's in her memory.

Max II: Now I feel like an ass.

Me: Yeah, that was half the point in me telling you that.

Max II: I have nothing else to say.

Me: Well then, we'll consider this chapter short and over. See ya.

Max II: Yeah, bye.

Me: Alright, get in the cardboard box.

Max II: _Fine_. But this time, I want snacks. And could you turn the radio on?

Me: By the way, the cardboard box is officially her bed.

Max II: It's become surprisingly homey, when I know I can get out.

Me: Yeah, okay. Just get in. It's the only way I know you won't escape when I'm asleep.

Max II: It's just pathetic that cardboard holds me better than iron and steel, or whatever dog cages are made out of.

Me: Yeah, it really is. Oh, and another little piece of news, I won't be here to publish the next chapter.

Max II: Oh, you guys are gonna_ love_ this. Personally, it's like Hell for me. But you'll like it.

Me: Randal is doing the next chapter. I'll probaly be on the phone with him when he's writing it, but he has full access to my account, and my laptop. I will be in New York visiting family. Randal is so much like my brother he's actually come with us a couple times on family trips, but he won't be able to make it. And our car is so packed, Max can't fit. I proposed tying her to a string and letting her fly with me holding the string through the window, but that was a no-go.

Max II: And I proposed tying my cardboard box to the top of the car with a bungy cord, but that was a no-go too. I guess looking like your harboring hobos on the top of your car would get too many odd looks.

Me: Yeah, and I said we should just pack her up in her cardboard box and ship her off on the UPS truck with Fred (the UPS man, he's the best). But there was just a flat out no to that one too.

Max II: So, I can't go. I have to stay home with _Randal_, of all people. If I get violated in any way, I blame you for his being murdered.

Me: I'm sure a lot of people would like to hear of a pedophile getting violated.

Max II: You know what we're gonna do? End this chapter.

Me: Bye. If you haven't noticed yet, I didn't use any exclamation points this chapter. I might be stopping this 'Exclamation Protestation', as Randal calls it. I mean, my caps button is tired, and I just am not getting the excitement thing I'm going for.

Max II: Finally.

Me: Yeah, so I said bye way back and I'm gonna say bye again, because it was kinda useless all the way up there. So, BYE. (See, I just don't get the happy, go-lucky thing I'm going for without exclamation points).

Max II: Bye! *climbs into box*


	8. RANDAL TAKES OVER! MUAHAHAHAHAHA!

Randal: Hey peoples. As Dani informed you, I have the privilege of doing this chapter because she's in New York. I don't know why she couldn't just write them beforehand, then let me upload them.

Max II: Because she's lazy.

Randal: Oh yeah, I also have the immense pleasure of babysitting Max II.

Max II: You are not _babysitting_. I am not a _baby_.

Randal: You could be my baby.

Max II: No.

Randal: You say that now. . .

Max II: I say that infinitally.

Randal: I'll keep trying.

Max II: I believe you.

Randal: Dani was actually going to be on the phone with us while doing this, and she was about a minute ago, but she had to go. Her little cousin Claire wanted to play with her or something.

Max II: And I'm stuck here. With a horny teenage boy who has a creeper thing for me. And a talking pen that's addicted to pot.

Senor Fluffers: Keep up the tacos!

Randal: He's not high. He's just. . . odd.

Max II: No, you and Dani are odd. People who dress their cats in human clothing are odd. Senor Fluffers has to be on something.

Randal: Well maybe he's on caffeine. It happens.

Max II: _Someone_ has to be on my side about Senor Fluffers being high. I mean, what other possibility is there?

Randal: I'll be on your side. But I must warn you. . . it might come with a price.

Max II: . . . Ew. I'd rather just stand alone.

Randal: Okay, but you don't know what your missing out on.

Max II: I think I have an idea.

Randal: So if I grew wings, went blind, and was awesome at cooking and building bombs. . . Would you consider it?

Max II: No. And I cannot believe Dani told you about the Iggy thing.

Randal: Oh about how your head-over-heels in love with him? Yeah, she told everybody that.

Max II: Un-freakin'-believable.

Randal: Yeah, but I don't mind. Just as long as I get a booty-call.

Max II: Your not gonna get a booty-call!!!!!

Randal: I'll convince you soon enough. . .

Max II: No. No, you won't.

Randal: What? It won't be sooooo bad. . .

Max II: It would be like going to work at a place that I hate.

Randal: It wouldn't be so much as_ work_ as it would be a _job_. . .

Max II: No. Just. . . no. Talk to me about any kind of job and you'll have the escape of a certain birdkid to explain to Dani.

Randal: Talk to _me_ about any kind of job and we might have a bigger mess on our hands, if you know what I mean.

Max II: Thanks for the heads up.

Randal: Your welcome. . . . . . . . . . . . . Oh! Haha, good one.

Max II: Yeah, took ya long enough.

Randal: Had to think over it a couple times. Get the creative juices flowing.

Max II: I'm sure it's hard to pick just one thing when your creativity extends to a memorization of every Playboy issue since 2001.

Randal: I'm sure it's hard to adapt to knew ways of doing things when your creativity only extends to a fantasy of Iggy where all your private parts are censored. And I'm not addicted to Playboy, no matter what Dani likes to joke about. In fact, I haven't even read one issue.

Max II: Lies. All lies.

Senor Fluffers: Don't tip the seahorse over!

Randal: Okay, he's got to have a stash of marijuana.

Max II: Thank you!

Randal: Your very welcome. Do I get a reward?

Max II: Yeah. My foot up your ass.

Randal: Kinky.

Max II: Would you quit it with the 'kinky' shit?! I'm not kinky!

Randal: You say that, but we don't believe it. . .

Max II: I hate you.

Randal: You say that, but we don't believe it. . .

Max II: I shall return to my cardboard box.

Randal: I'll come with you.

Max II: Hell you will! It can't even fit two people!

Randal: I'm sure we can find a way to make room.

Max II: I could dismember you. That would make some more room.

Randal: I had another thing in mind.

Max II: Do you ever stop thinking about the same thing?

Randal: No. It would take a miracle to make me stop thinking about that.

Max II: Okay.

Randal: What are you doing? It's a hazard to get on your knees around me. Seriously, I'm not kidding when I say that.

Max II: Praying.

Randal: To which god?

Max II: There's more than one?

Randal: Dani wasn't kidding when she said you grew up under a rock. Don't worry, I still love you and I will help you adapt to the foreign ways of humans.

Max II: Oh joy. That's exactly what I wanted to hear.

Randal: I'm here for you, baby. Just for you.

Max II: I'm not your baby!

Randal: You say that, but we don't believe you.

Max II: You better believe me. I will do anything to prove I'm not your baby.

Randal: Say 'addicted' after everything I say.

Max II: Why? Will it prove I'm not your baby?

Randal: Yes, and it will be worth it.

Max II: Okay. . .

Randal: Drugs.

Max II: Addicted. . .

Randal: Alcohol.

Max II: Addicted. . .

Randal: What hit you in the face last night.

Max II: Addicted. . . Oooooooooooooooohhhhhh, I get it.

Randal: *laughing hysterically*

Max II: You've got to be extremely perverted and immature to find that so hilarious.

Randal: Dani thinks it's funny too!

Max II: Well that makes sense 'cause she's worse than you.

Randal: I'm gonna call her now and tell her how you fell for that.

Max II: Go ahead. If you have one immature, perverted teenager you mind as well have another one.

Randal: Exactly! *dials number*

Dani: Hello?

Randal: Dani! I'm writing the next chapter as we speak, and Max II totally just fell for the 'addicted' joke.

Dani: Yeah, she's not very bright with that kinda thing. Me, I can always see it coming.

Randal: That's what she said!

Dani: Damn. Didn't see that coming.

Max II: He mollywhopped you with words.

Randal: Max II, do you even know what a mollywhop is?

Max II: Yep. If I didn't then what I just said wouldn't make much sense.

Dani: Yeah, you owned me.

Randal: For some reason that makes you even hotter.

Max II: Then I'm just gonna shut up.

Dani: Does the idea of her going to the proctologist make her hotter?

Max II: Why the hell would you tell him that!?

Randal: That depends on what took place.

Dani: Hey, your not using exclamation points, right?

Randal: Nooooooooo. . . . .

Max II: We're gonna end this chapter now.

Randal: Okay. *randomly hangs up on Dani*

Max II: Your gonna get bitch-slapped her hanging up on her later.

Randal: It really sucks to have a female best friend that can kick your ass.

Max II: Well, bye!

Randal: Bye! Me and Max II need some privacy. . .

Max II: No. No we don't.

Randal: Either way.

Max II: Just end the damn chapter.

Randal: K, baby.

Max II: I'm not your baby!

* * *

Randal: Dani's gonna be sooooooo mad that I let you use so many exclamation points.

Max II: Well she left me here with you, she can expect retaliation.

Randal: Okay. Review!

Max II: REVIEW!!!!!

Senor Fluffers: Hit the booty!

Randal: He meant button. Review button. Please. I might just hit someone's booty though. . .

Max II: I will kill you. I mean it.

Randal: Alright, bye!

* * *

Randal: Dani is going to kill me.

Max II: HOORAY!!

Randal: That was insulting. And that really was supposed to be the end of the chapter, but I wrote it 6 days ago and then my internet went down. And now Dani will be home in 2 days and I haven't even uploaded one chapter. But shhhhhhh, don't tell her that.

Max II: Nice warning. I'm sure she'll never find out.

Randal: Onto other matters. . . I HOPE YOU'VE READ FANG CAUSE I'M ABOUT TO TALK ABOUT IT!

Max II: Here we go again. . .

Randal: So I know most of you threw the book at the wall when . . . well, when you read half the book. I threw it at the wall 7 times. There are many throw-worthy things in that book.

Max II: But I think he's got you beat on how mad he was.

Randal: It pissed me off.

Max II: He threw it at the wall, picked it up, read another chapter, then. . . threw it out the second story window.

Randal: It survived. And how many other people say "_FINISH HIM_" when they have a situation like that? 'Cause that's what I say. . .

Max II: Your such a dork.

Randal: Can I do one little teensy-weensy spoiler?

Max II: No.

Randal: Please?

Max II: No.

Randal: Pretty please?

Max II: Fine.

Randal: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MAX IS A TEETH-BANGER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Max II: I shoulda known you would say that.

Randal: 'Where's Max? Oh, she's _hibernating_." HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Max II: I said only one spoiler!

Randal: Okay, so we're actually gonna end this chapter now. . .

Max II: BYE!!!!!! REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!! I love it when Dani isn't here. This whole 'NO EXCLAMATION POINTS' thing is stupid.

Randal: It's just Dani being Dani. You know what's hard? I keep writing her real name, then remember you all know her as Dani and have to go back and re-write it.

Max II: Okay, we're officially ending this chapter.

Randal: Yeah, I've said enough, another spoiler is gonna pop outta my mouth any second. . .

Max II: REVIEW!!!!!!! BYE!!!!


End file.
